Thursday, October 28, 2010

My Back is in Shadow

I try so hard to keep my face to the sun.
But when on my face is warmth and light, at my back is shadow.
Do we really ever bear the dark thoughts and feelings out into the world, or do we keep them bottled inside?
This perfect persona we show to this internet world. If we can slough off our negative attributes before we present ourselves... I mean, who wouldn't.
I feel myself slipping into depression. There's so many things I wish I could help, but can't.
My helplessness, I'm alone with my thoughts. I'm alone with my pain. I am the only one who truly understands.
Yet I don't understand.
I would love to bear it all to you, my friends. I fear losing your respect, I fear losing my validity.
I don't want pity. I don't want an army to defend me from my life.
When I feel like this, I don't like the way I act. I act the way I feel.
I know this will pass.
My moods have always come and gone like clouds across the sun.
When I have nothing more to cling to in this desperate depression, I cling to that.
I go through it, and like water off a duck's back, it goes.
And then the sun comes out again.
I turn my face to that hope, letting it's rays warm my face.
But even still, at my back is this shadow.

Don't worry, readers of my blog. My teen angsty stuff has no place in this particular blog. This was written as a writer's prompt from Mama Kats. Have no fear I have turned dark and gothic or whatnot.


At October 28, 2010 at 9:20 AM , Blogger Valerie said...

This is a beautiful piece of writing!

At October 28, 2010 at 12:24 PM , Blogger Diane said...

I think the majority of us have those down moments or days when we'd just rather stay in bed and not have to deal with anything. The good thing is that the sun does always come out again, even if there is a shadow to our back.
Stopped by from Mama Kat's.

At November 1, 2010 at 4:25 PM , Anonymous jared's mum said...

a lovely and creative way of tackling Mama Kat's writer's prompt! am your newest follower!

At November 6, 2010 at 9:58 PM , Blogger Laurie Wallin said...

...and I'm even newer :) Just found you through the writing prompts this week, and I can completely relate to what you shared. I'm a mom of special needs kids with a wicked sense of humor, a love of sarcasm, and, of late, a major downward spiral in my moods since a new diagnosis for my 4 1/2 year old. I'm so proud of you for your honesty here. Looking forward to getting to know you better! I'll be back!


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