Wednesday, November 10, 2010

JustMom420zaks Dishes on Dinner: Yelling, Fork-Throwing & Forced (Maybe Faked) Puking

Posted by JustMom420zaks on November 10th at 12ish

JustMom, or JustMom420zaks, hasn't been receiving a very large amount of attention from the online community... but she likes to pretend that she has. 
"I just like to write like everybody is reading." she said, when interviewing herself one breezy November midmorning. "It doesn't really matter that no one really is. I have very little problem laughing at my own jokes." 
If  people actually read this blog, they would  be met with JustMom's sarcastic, self deprecating and lighthearted shrug she directs every day at the task of taming two toddlers.
JustMom, whose real identity was lost in the hostile takeover of her uterus, feels that if you are trapped in a house by small people and a lack of jeans that fit, blogging can sometimes be your only view of the outdoors. Not to mention a rather awesome vent.
Of course, you wouldn't expect JustMom to air her feelings and frustrations in writing without peppering it liberally with crazy brain vomit and bad jokes of questionable judgment. (See how we used the word, "peppering" in a post about being in the kitchen? Huh?Huh?) Here, JustMom dishes on how she's barely clinging to sanity, and still manages to make cornish game hen not come out dry.

Who does the cooking in your house?
Well, I do most of it. There's a feeling of accomplishment in actually doing at least one thing right in the course of a day.
Unless the hubby notices I've put the kids to bed 15 minutes early because I just can't take the whining anymore, then he offers to make dinner... and pours me a glass of merlot... that's why we're still married.

As an overwhelmed and underqualified parent, how do you manage to cook?
Well, being how the kids won't eat anything other than cheese, mac and cheese and bananas, they don't eat dinner with us at the table. They eat chicken strips (hopefully), cheesy broccoli (not in your life) and macaroni and cheese at the kid's table. We eat after they go to bed, actually, I start cooking after they go to bed... we eat about 9pm.

What does family dinner look like in your home?


Well, whichever one of these two meals that look the most appetizing to you, looks the grossest to my toddlers. So they eat theirs at about 5pm, and we eat ours at about 9pm.
If by happenstance, meal #2 touched the inside of my 3 year old's mouth, he would vomit, really vomit. 
I don't know if the vomit is real, but it sure looks real. 

 What would you like your children to learn from you about food and family?
God, I ate dinner at the table with my family. We set the table, had conversation and had to ask to be excused. Apparently I do not possess the super power my mother had to make this possible.
I wish I could get them to eat right, and I think I do a decent job of offering a good, balanced selection of food that looks perfectly reasonable to a toddler to eat. Eventually, I hope they have a need for good food and good company. Right now I have a need for him to eat "just one more bite!" And her not to throw the food on the floor when she's done.

What kind of food & family philosophies drive the way you feed your family?
Well, I'm rather torn between, "Eat some food, you too skinny!" and my mother's sage advice, "You ate nothing but grilled cheese sandwiches for 12 years and turned out just fine." 
And so I did, so I did. It's not going to stop me from trying to feed my children brocolli... not even fake/real puke can do that.

Make people worship you JustMom420zaks style by making Her Grandmother's Cheesecake.

JustMom got her start with her first blog on her first MySpace page, titled, "What the Hell is a Blog?" 
Well, she has recently figured out what a blog is and has decided she wants one. (In her best Veruca Salt voice.) 
Since she always has wanted to be a famous author, and she DID cause that big stir with the article in the high school paper about cheerleaders being paraded around like 90 pound meat rewards for winning sports teams... she sees herself as perfectly qualified to write a blog.
When she isn't busy hiding from her family on the internet, JustMom can be found yelling at her children for putting their feet on each other, or arguing with her husband about who did the dishes last.

This blog was posted as a satire to Babble's article on my favorite person on the net, Mama Kats. The article was well written and awesome.. and Mama is one kool Kat. 
This satire was done in all love and respect for these two entities.

P.S. Link to come for the cheesecake


At November 10, 2010 at 2:52 PM , Anonymous Mama Kat said...

Have you submitted this to Babble yet? ;)"eat more food, your too skinny" is how I feel about ALL my kids. I end up eating it for them 99% of the time.

Love the spoof lady.


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