Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Chocolate, snuggling and other things husbands are good for

I think I'm writing this to remind myself. Right now my husband is getting sick, which 8 years into a relationship, doesn't make a wife want to coddle and care for her man, it makes her want to kick him out the door and tell him to come back when he's in a better mood.
When he's tetchy, I try to remember who does ALL the heavy lifting, who takes out the trash even though I'm perfectly capable, and who brought me a chocolate bar yesterday... "just 'cos." Hell, right now the man is doing recycling. He's going to be trekking all across town, coming back smelling to high hell, sweating like a fat guy, just to earn our family much needed extra money.... WITH a twisted ankle.
So be patient, the kids are sick too and I'm not giving THEM any grief about being grumpy. I'm feeding them bits of my chocolate bar and actually sitting down to watch Wonder Pets with them.
Why is it so hard to be patient and kind to someone you have committed to loving forever?
Maybe after dealing with the thousands of tiny dramas unfolding all day, every day with the kids... having one more person with needs to be met seems to be too much to ask. Yet, he was here first, the love for him, overwhelming everything else in life is what led to these children in the first place. Why abandon him to his own devices now, and after everything he does?
Maybe a perfect example of "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." I'd love to be a perfect wife, just as I would love to be a perfect mother. But just as my kids wouldn't just get over it if I decided I was too exhausted to make them dinner, and my white couch wouldn't get over it if I decided it was too much of a hassle to bathe those same children after that dinner.... why should he get over the fact I'm being a little too bitchy that we're watching Wacked-Out Sports, when I'd rather be watching Dexter. Or get over that I've decided it's canned soup night because I'm too tired to cook.
He doesn't ever decide that he's too tired to do the trash, or extra yardwork over at my grandparent's house. He grabs the babies in the morning so I can lay in bed, sleeping in, even though he was up with me in the night, taking care of Tyler's hacking cough.
And then, he brings me a chocolate bar. Just because he thought I deserved a treat.
Maybe I should take some of that infinite patience I have with my kids (sans the 5pm meltdown, we'll just forget that happens) and apply it to the one that got me into this mess to begin with.
Maybe forget the whole, "I'll stop being a bitch if you stop being a grumpy dick." I mean, I'm not like that with the kids (unless it's 5:00ish)
Maybe I'll tell him I'm proud of how domestic he's become, grateful of how much he helps me with the kids regardless of how tired and sweaty he is, that I'd never get along without the millions of little things he does for me throughout the day (trash being the least of those.)
Or maybe I'll just give him a piece of my candy and let him watch Wacked-Out Sports for a little bit, while we eat leftovers.... I'm too tired to cook.


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